Adding someone on Facebook Messenger requires you to be friends with them on Facebook first

Facebook Messenger does not have a separate friend system. When you add someone as a friend on Facebook itself, they automatically appear in your Messenger contacts. If you try to message someone you are not friends with, Facebook will put your message in their "Message Requests" folder instead of their main inbox — they may never see it.

The fastest path is to add them as a Facebook friend first through the main Facebook app or website, then open Messenger. They will show up in your contacts once they accept your friend request.

Key Takeaways

  • You must be Facebook friends with someone before you can message them normally in Messenger — the two apps share the same friend list.
  • Messages to non-friends go to their Message Requests folder, which most people rarely check.
  • To add a friend on Facebook, search for their name or profile, click "Add Friend", and wait for them to accept.
  • Once they accept, they will appear in your Messenger contacts without any extra step.
  • You can also start a group chat in Messenger by selecting multiple friends at once, even if you have not messaged them before.

Adding someone as a Facebook friend

Open the Facebook app or go to facebook.com in your browser. Tap or click the search icon (a magnifying glass) at the top of the screen. Type the person's name and select their profile from the results.

On their profile, look for a button that says "Add Friend" or shows a person icon with a plus sign. Click or tap it. Facebook will send them a friend request, and they will see it in their notifications. Once they accept, you are friends, and they will appear in your Messenger contact list.

If you already know their exact Facebook username or URL, you can go directly to their profile by typing facebook.com/username into your browser address bar.

Messaging someone after they accept your friend request

After the person accepts your friend request, open the Messenger app or go to messenger.com. You will see a list of your recent conversations. Tap or click the pencil icon or "New Message" button (the exact location depends on whether you are on mobile or desktop). Search for the person's name and tap or click it to start a conversation.

If you have already been messaging them in Message Requests, their conversation will move to your main inbox once you become friends. You will not lose the message history.

What happens when you message someone who is not your friend

If you send a message to someone who has not accepted your friend request yet, or who is not your friend, the message goes to their "Message Requests" folder instead of their main Messenger inbox. Most people do not check this folder regularly, so they may not see your message for days or weeks — or at all.

Some accounts, like public figures or businesses, may have different settings that allow messages from non-friends to reach their main inbox. But for most personal accounts, the Message Requests folder is where non-friend messages land.

Adding multiple people to a group chat

Open Messenger and tap or click the pencil icon or "New Message" button. Instead of selecting one person, tap or click each person you want to add to the group. You can add up to 250 people in a single group chat. Once you have selected everyone, tap or click "Create" or "Next" to start the group.

You do not need to be friends with everyone in the group for them to receive the message — group chats work differently than one-on-one messages. However, they will still need to accept the group invitation or see it in their Message Requests if they are not your friends.

Blocking and unblocking someone in Messenger

If you want to prevent someone from messaging you, open your conversation with them (or their profile), tap or click the three dots or "i" icon, and select "Block" or "Block Messages". They will not be able to send you messages, see when you are online, or see your profile picture in Messenger.

To unblock someone, go to Messenger settings, find "Blocked People" or "Blocked Accounts", and tap or click "Unblock" next to their name. They will then be able to message you again, though their messages will go to Message Requests unless you are friends.

Troubleshooting: Why you cannot see someone in your contacts

If you added someone as a friend but they do not appear in your Messenger contacts, check whether they have accepted your friend request yet. Go to your Facebook profile, tap or click "Friends", and look for a "Pending" or "Requests Sent" section. If the request is still pending, they have not accepted it yet.

If they have accepted but still do not show up in Messenger, try closing and reopening the Messenger app, or logging out and back in. Sometimes the contact list takes a moment to sync. If the problem continues, check whether you have accidentally muted or archived the conversation — swipe left on their name (mobile) or right-click it (desktop) to see options to unmute or unarchive.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I message someone on Messenger if we are not friends on Facebook?

You can send them a message, but it will go to their Message Requests folder instead of their main inbox. They may not see it. To ensure they see your message, add them as a Facebook friend first and wait for them to accept.

What is the difference between a friend request and a message request?

A friend request asks someone to be your friend on Facebook. A message request is a message you send to someone who is not your friend yet. They are separate things — you can send a message request without sending a friend request, but the message will be hidden in their Message Requests folder.

Can I add someone to a group chat without being friends with them?

Yes. Group chats in Messenger work differently than one-on-one messages. You can add anyone to a group, and they will receive the invitation even if you are not friends. However, they will need to accept the group invitation to see the messages.

Why did my message go to Message Requests instead of their inbox?

Messages go to Message Requests when you send them to someone who is not your Facebook friend, or who has their settings restricted. Once you become friends, future messages will go to their main inbox.

How do I know if someone has read my message in Messenger?

If a small version of their profile picture appears below your message, they have seen it. If you see a checkmark, the message was delivered but not read. The exact indicator depends on your device and Messenger version.